Sunday, April 17, 2011

New Week, New Thoughts

What a difference a week makes!  After my pitiful lamenting last week I decided that I needed to do something.  Anything.  I (read Scott) dug out my sewing machine and sewed a little, researched future education and sewing opportunities, and convinced not one but two long last friends to come over and entertain me.  Granted they live together but I'm still taking credit for both.

Think of all the people you have reconnected with on Facebook or various other internet sites.  Now think of the ones you've actually met in person since you've reconnected.  I'm now at five.  I realize that meeting old friends again after an extended amount of time is similar to making friends on Craig's List.  You never know what they are going to be like, and unlike new people, you have preconceived notions of the type of person they are.  However, I know the last memories that people have of me from 15 years ago in no way reflect the person I am today.  I'm sure most my old high school friends are much more leery of me than I am of them.  So it's worth a little gamble made better by Facebook, which gives some enlightenment into their thoughts and beliefs.

So back to my friends.  I actually have pictures of us all at Winter Ball formal dance junior year.  It's awesome, all goth and silly.  Out of all of the things that were destroyed one little box of pictures escaped and is full of embarrassing memories to anyone who wants to dare venture down memory lane.  Anyways, I begged and pleaded via Facebook for them to drive more than 30 minutes to come entertain me and they did!   And it was great.  We laughed so hard for hours that passed in the blink of an eye.  It wasn't a nostalgic trip down memory lane, it was people with similar interests and beliefs playing board games and just having fun.  A good time was had by all.

Sunday the wonderful trend continued.  For my birthday Scott and I had been planning on going to Washington state and sleeping in the tree houses ( http://www.treehousepoint.com ) when the weather warmed up.  However, with my leg and his new job it just isn't going to happen this year. Scott decided that I needed a different gift so he woke up early on his one day to sleep in this week and went and bought me an iPad2 to entertain me and keep me from getting mopey again in the coming weeks.  We dubbed it my unbirthday, so today I am unfive just to confuse Zandra.  During our last trip to Disneyland, before we moved to San Fran, we were determined to get Zandra on The Snow Monster Ride - known as The Matterhorn to everyone else.  She had been saying for almost a year that she wouldn't ride it until she was 5.  However, she had been riding Thunder Mountain Railroad for a few months and just loved it so we knew she would love The Matterhorn as well.  As we approached the gate we told her, "Cubbie!  Today is your unbirthday!  Today you are unfive!", and though she was perplexed she became very excited about her birthday (she kept missing the un part).  We told her as part of her un birthday the very first thing we HAD to do was ride the Snow Monster Ride and then go get some ice cream.  She got on with no complaint, was terrified the whole time and then begged to go on it again 30 minutes later.

So onward we go, now with a much more optimistic attitude. 
  

Monday, April 11, 2011

Pitiful thoughts of the day

What an odd time this has been. The excitement of starting over has been tempered by the reality of multiple injuries. Just as I was getting over falling down the stairs and burning my hand I managed to tear my calf muscle. I was doing a cardio workout, taking a day off of training for the marathon because my calf was a little sore, and on the first kick I heard a horrid pop, felt my muscle recoil into my leg and fell over. Poor Scott – nothing like your wife calling you at work to come take her to the ER. ER said rest, crutches, go see ortho. So here we are 5 days later. Ortho said the deep muscle of the calf (the soleus for those that care) is torn. Good news is it will heal without surgery. Not so good news – no marathon. In fact, it will take 6 months to be 100% again. Decent news is that I will hopefully be off of crutches in 6 weeks so I can at least go to the grocery store, carry my own cup of coffee… All the things we do daily without thinking about.

These frequent injuries keep reminding me of Texas, of times that I’d rather forget, but now I can’t help but remember. There was a 3 year period where I had 3 invasive bone and ligament surgeries and multiple ER trips with crazy injuries. Who else gets a corneal abrasion lying in the bathtub? Seriously, I was lying there soaking when the shampoo bottle just fell off the edge of the tub and the cap hit my eyeball. I actually thought it popped my eyeball, it hurt so much. Then who can forget the day before my major knee surgery I was playing fetch with Lucy, the world’s best dog, and her whole 120 pounds came barreling into me at full speed and dislocated my knee on my “good” side, the one that I had surgery on 6 months prior. The list goes on but I’ll spare you any more of that pitiful reminiscing.

After that last surgery – when was that? 2003? I have been relatively injury free. Sure I’m still extraordinarily clumsy but I’ve managed to avoid the ER and orthos. But now this rash of frequent pain and doctor visits is becoming unbearable. Zandra doesn’t understand why mommy can’t play anymore and why I’m always cranky (pain does that) and poor Scott – moving, starting a new job, and now the stress of this? I was supposed to be the one taking care of the little stuff to make this transition easier for him and all I’ve managed to do is add more stress to him.

I do remain optimistic that the summer isn’t ruined. We had planned on so many adventures. Camping, the redwoods, Yosemite, sleeping in the tress in Washington, just to name a few. One of the great things about moving to Northern California was that we were no longer surrounded by desert but by the majestic nature that we favor. As long as I can walk a few miles we can still do all of these. Zandra is at that great age now where she loves being outside more than anything and I want to keep encouraging that in her. I remember family camping when I was little and it was the best fun. I’m sure it wasn’t as great for my parents but I still remember running through the grassy hills, climbing rocks and trees, playing in the creek and cooking over the campfire. The fun of those things hasn’t dimmed for me yet and I fear if she isn’t taught the joy of them early she’ll never know how much fun it can be.

The marathon is the one thing that really saddens me about all of this. It was only a ½ marathon, but still the first one of my life. It was to be an adventure with my sister. Now instead of training and motivating each other I am forced to cheer for her from the sidelines. I doubt there will be others, it doesn’t seem that I should keep physically pushing myself, but to have a body that’s not even middle age constantly turn against me is becoming a frustration I am tired of dealing with.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Finally Home

It's official. We are home. At least we are in our new house and in the process of making it home. The boxes are unpacked, the new furniture is assembled, the dogs have their spots... So it's home, right? It should be, but it still holds an aura of strangeness and temporary that I keep trying to drive out but I can't eradicate. More time is needed, along with friend and family, to fill to empty space and create memories to live in them. A table that's never had a friend sit at it, a backyard garden that no friends helped to plan or plant, a living room that's never heard the laughter of competitive game - that's why it's still a house.